1 00:00:12,876 --> 00:00:13,543 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪ 2 00:00:13,585 --> 00:00:15,504 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪ 3 00:00:15,629 --> 00:00:17,005 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 4 00:00:17,130 --> 00:00:19,007 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 5 00:00:19,132 --> 00:00:20,193 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪ 6 00:00:20,217 --> 00:00:22,135 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 7 00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:23,970 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 8 00:00:24,096 --> 00:00:25,536 ♪ People spouting "howdy, neighbor" ♪ 9 00:00:25,597 --> 00:00:26,932 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪ 10 00:00:27,057 --> 00:00:28,892 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 11 00:00:29,017 --> 00:00:32,020 ♪ [muffled] ♪ 12 00:00:32,145 --> 00:00:33,414 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪ 13 00:00:33,438 --> 00:00:35,065 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪ 14 00:00:38,357 --> 00:00:39,942 Well, you boys must be pretty excited-- 15 00:00:40,067 --> 00:00:41,860 Your first night of scouts. 16 00:00:41,986 --> 00:00:43,046 It's gonna suck; there's gonna be 17 00:00:43,070 --> 00:00:44,172 all these new kids there we don't know. 18 00:00:44,196 --> 00:00:45,698 Yeah. 19 00:00:45,823 --> 00:00:47,324 Well, now, that's part of the fun. 20 00:00:47,449 --> 00:00:49,135 Yeah, both Kenny's dad and I were in scouts for years. 21 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:50,345 Was your dad in scouts, Cartman? 22 00:00:50,369 --> 00:00:51,161 Oh, yeah, you don't have a dad. 23 00:00:51,286 --> 00:00:52,997 [laughter] 24 00:00:53,122 --> 00:00:55,332 That's not funny! Jesus Christ! 25 00:00:55,457 --> 00:00:57,352 Are you excited for your first night of scouts, Timmy? 26 00:00:57,376 --> 00:00:59,378 Yeah, Timmy! 27 00:00:59,503 --> 00:01:00,503 Yeah, he's excited. 28 00:01:05,926 --> 00:01:07,886 Hey, fellas. Hey, Butters. 29 00:01:08,012 --> 00:01:09,304 Boy, am I glad to see you guys. 30 00:01:09,430 --> 00:01:11,074 There's lots of kids here from other schools. 31 00:01:11,098 --> 00:01:12,641 I don't know anybody. 32 00:01:12,766 --> 00:01:14,202 All right, boys, we're gonna head to the bar. 33 00:01:14,226 --> 00:01:15,853 We'll be back to pick you up at 9:00. 34 00:01:15,978 --> 00:01:17,747 You boys just make sure to obey the scout leader, now. 35 00:01:17,771 --> 00:01:18,772 He's the man in charge. 36 00:01:18,897 --> 00:01:21,233 Hello, scouts! 37 00:01:21,358 --> 00:01:22,860 Hey, it's Big Gay Al. 38 00:01:22,985 --> 00:01:23,985 Hello, Stanley. 39 00:01:24,028 --> 00:01:25,213 I was happy to see you and your 40 00:01:25,237 --> 00:01:26,697 little friends' names on the list. 41 00:01:26,822 --> 00:01:27,822 Timmy! 42 00:01:27,865 --> 00:01:29,658 You're the new scout leader? 43 00:01:29,783 --> 00:01:31,201 I just got transferred in. 44 00:01:31,326 --> 00:01:33,179 I think everyone's here now, so we can get started. 45 00:01:33,203 --> 00:01:35,122 Come on, scouts. We've got work to do. 46 00:01:35,247 --> 00:01:36,832 All: Hooray! - See you, Dad. 47 00:01:38,876 --> 00:01:41,045 Hey, are you parents gonna stand there all night? 48 00:01:41,170 --> 00:01:43,881 This meeting is for scouts only, you silly gooses. 49 00:01:46,967 --> 00:01:48,844 Now, before we get started, scouts, 50 00:01:48,969 --> 00:01:49,970 I want to introduce you 51 00:01:50,095 --> 00:01:52,097 to someone very special here tonight. 52 00:01:52,222 --> 00:01:54,224 He's a brave little boy with disabilities 53 00:01:54,349 --> 00:01:57,102 who proves just by being here that scouts are for everyone! 54 00:01:57,227 --> 00:01:58,437 Timmy! 55 00:01:58,562 --> 00:02:00,206 So let's all all give a big round of applause 56 00:02:00,230 --> 00:02:01,774 to little Jimmy. 57 00:02:01,899 --> 00:02:04,109 Well, hello, everyone. 58 00:02:04,234 --> 00:02:05,611 [applause] 59 00:02:05,736 --> 00:02:07,988 J-Jimmy? 60 00:02:10,866 --> 00:02:13,410 Look, I'm not saying the new scout leader's a bad person. 61 00:02:13,535 --> 00:02:15,412 I just don't think he should be a scout leader. 62 00:02:15,537 --> 00:02:17,390 Well, he got to where he is by being a good scout. 63 00:02:17,414 --> 00:02:18,854 Maybe we should just leave him alone. 64 00:02:18,916 --> 00:02:20,417 Well, how gay is he? 65 00:02:20,542 --> 00:02:22,252 He's really, really gay. 66 00:02:22,377 --> 00:02:23,980 Well, then I don't want my boy there, either. 67 00:02:24,004 --> 00:02:26,131 So he's a homosexual. So what? 68 00:02:26,256 --> 00:02:28,258 I have nothing against homosexuals either, Randy, 69 00:02:28,383 --> 00:02:30,094 but the big camping trip is next week. 70 00:02:30,219 --> 00:02:32,405 Are you saying you're fine with this guy camping overnight 71 00:02:32,429 --> 00:02:34,014 alone with our boys? 72 00:02:34,139 --> 00:02:35,974 You know, boys emulate authority figures. 73 00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:37,684 Even if it doesn't turn them gay, 74 00:02:37,810 --> 00:02:39,436 they can end up all talking all femme 75 00:02:39,561 --> 00:02:41,313 and prancing around like girls. 76 00:02:41,438 --> 00:02:42,439 Ah, that's ridiculous. 77 00:02:42,564 --> 00:02:45,150 People, people! Please! 78 00:02:45,275 --> 00:02:48,153 You're forgetting that homosexuality is a choice. 79 00:02:48,278 --> 00:02:52,866 As many of you know, I myself went through a homosexual phase. 80 00:02:52,991 --> 00:02:54,993 But the light of Christ showed me how to change. 81 00:02:55,119 --> 00:02:56,346 Just give me two hours with this man, 82 00:02:56,370 --> 00:02:58,038 and I can convert him back. 83 00:02:58,163 --> 00:02:59,915 That's what you said about Peterson, 84 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,559 and then you ended up having sex with him. 85 00:03:01,583 --> 00:03:03,335 - That's right. - You did. 86 00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:06,672 And so that's how to make banana nut muffins. 87 00:03:06,797 --> 00:03:08,674 And now, as a very special treat, 88 00:03:08,799 --> 00:03:10,300 our very special friend Jimmy 89 00:03:10,425 --> 00:03:11,802 is going to do what he loves most: 90 00:03:11,927 --> 00:03:13,887 motivational stand-up comedy. 91 00:03:14,012 --> 00:03:15,180 Let's give him a big hand. 92 00:03:15,305 --> 00:03:16,682 [applause] 93 00:03:16,807 --> 00:03:18,183 Wow, what a great audience. 94 00:03:18,308 --> 00:03:19,788 Well, just in case you were wondering, 95 00:03:19,852 --> 00:03:21,186 I do have a disability: 96 00:03:21,311 --> 00:03:23,431 I am totally happy with the way I was born, very much. 97 00:03:23,522 --> 00:03:25,282 I travel to different states and talk to kids 98 00:03:25,315 --> 00:03:26,942 about being proud of what they are. 99 00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:29,361 My mom says God has a p-plan for everyone. 100 00:03:29,486 --> 00:03:31,321 I guess I was plan "B." 101 00:03:31,446 --> 00:03:33,323 [laughter] 102 00:03:33,448 --> 00:03:35,033 You guys like impersonations? 103 00:03:35,159 --> 00:03:36,034 [applause] 104 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:37,202 Timmy. 105 00:03:37,327 --> 00:03:39,037 How about Jimmy Stewart? 106 00:03:39,163 --> 00:03:40,363 "Merry Christmas, movie house." 107 00:03:40,414 --> 00:03:41,832 And John Travolta -- 108 00:03:41,957 --> 00:03:43,041 "Oh, my God, Mr. Kotter. 109 00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:44,710 Mr. Kotter, oh, my God. Mr. Kotter." 110 00:03:44,835 --> 00:03:45,711 [laughter] 111 00:03:45,836 --> 00:03:46,836 Jimmy's funny, dude. 112 00:03:46,879 --> 00:03:48,255 Yeah, well, 113 00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:50,420 he's the coolest kid with disabilities in the world. 114 00:03:50,465 --> 00:03:51,842 Hmph! 115 00:03:51,967 --> 00:03:53,343 Uh, Kenny, it's 9:00. 116 00:03:53,468 --> 00:03:55,053 Come on, Stanley. 117 00:03:55,179 --> 00:03:56,489 Oops, guess we're out of time, kids. 118 00:03:56,513 --> 00:03:58,390 Now, remember, tomorrow you all have bake sales 119 00:03:58,515 --> 00:04:00,395 in your respective neighborhoods to raise money. 120 00:04:00,517 --> 00:04:01,797 We'll meet back here next Tuesday 121 00:04:01,852 --> 00:04:03,061 and see who raised the most. 122 00:04:03,187 --> 00:04:04,813 Good luck! - Hey, I've got a great idea. 123 00:04:04,938 --> 00:04:05,814 Why don't we see if Jimmy wants 124 00:04:05,939 --> 00:04:07,041 to come be in our scout club? 125 00:04:07,065 --> 00:04:08,901 Hey, yeah. - Timmy, Timmy. 126 00:04:09,026 --> 00:04:10,461 Hey, Jimmy, you want to come join our bake sale 127 00:04:10,485 --> 00:04:12,154 in South Park tomorrow? 128 00:04:12,279 --> 00:04:13,756 Jeez, sure, that'd be great. Thanks, fellas. 129 00:04:13,780 --> 00:04:14,865 Come on, Stan. 130 00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:16,430 Bye, Big Gay Al. We had a great time. 131 00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:18,202 Yeah, thanks. - Both: Bye, Jimmy! 132 00:04:18,327 --> 00:04:19,995 See you tomorrow at the bake sale, fellas. 133 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:20,996 You were right, Dad. 134 00:04:21,121 --> 00:04:22,122 Scouts is awesome. - Yeah! 135 00:04:22,247 --> 00:04:23,665 We told ghost stories and learned 136 00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:25,310 how to make a tornado in a glass bottle. 137 00:04:25,334 --> 00:04:26,936 Yeah, we learned how to make cakes and muffins 138 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,212 for our bake sale. 139 00:04:28,337 --> 00:04:30,097 And best of all, we met this kid named Jimmy. 140 00:04:30,172 --> 00:04:31,941 He's disabled but he doesn't let it ruin his life. 141 00:04:31,965 --> 00:04:32,841 He's awesome! - Aah! 142 00:04:32,966 --> 00:04:34,092 Yeah, we're gonna use him 143 00:04:34,218 --> 00:04:35,761 to help raise money at our bake sale. 144 00:04:35,886 --> 00:04:37,846 Cartman, don't say "use him", you big silly goose. 145 00:04:37,888 --> 00:04:39,056 Ah! 146 00:04:39,181 --> 00:04:40,057 What did you say? 147 00:04:40,182 --> 00:04:41,725 I just called Cartman a name. 148 00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:42,935 He's a silly goose. 149 00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:44,228 Uh-huh. 150 00:04:44,353 --> 00:04:46,897 You do not say "big silly goose"! 151 00:04:47,022 --> 00:04:48,732 You call him an asshole like a normal kid. 152 00:04:48,857 --> 00:04:49,399 But, dad, I was just trying to-- 153 00:04:49,524 --> 00:04:50,776 Stanley, you call your friend 154 00:04:50,901 --> 00:04:52,861 an asshole this instant! 155 00:04:52,986 --> 00:04:53,986 Asshole? 156 00:04:54,071 --> 00:04:55,280 That's better. 157 00:04:55,405 --> 00:04:57,045 Don't call me asshole, you son of a bitch. 158 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,286 Uh, hello? 159 00:05:01,411 --> 00:05:02,931 We're having a bake sale to raise money 160 00:05:03,038 --> 00:05:04,623 for scout troop number six-nine. 161 00:05:04,748 --> 00:05:06,750 Uh, please stop by and give us a hand. 162 00:05:06,875 --> 00:05:08,186 And now, for your entertainment -- 163 00:05:08,210 --> 00:05:10,837 our new best friend, stand-up comic Jimmy! 164 00:05:12,214 --> 00:05:13,924 Wow, what a great audience. 165 00:05:14,049 --> 00:05:16,260 I just flew into South Park. Boy, are my crutches tired. 166 00:05:16,385 --> 00:05:18,637 [laughter] 167 00:05:18,762 --> 00:05:20,138 What a terrific audience. 168 00:05:20,264 --> 00:05:21,765 You know, people sometimes ask me, 169 00:05:21,890 --> 00:05:24,226 "Are you angry at God for making disabled people?" 170 00:05:24,351 --> 00:05:27,187 I say, "no, I think the world is better with President Bush." 171 00:05:27,312 --> 00:05:30,649 [laughter] 172 00:05:30,774 --> 00:05:32,276 What a brave little boy. 173 00:05:32,401 --> 00:05:34,778 He's able to use comedy to overcome his handicap. 174 00:05:34,903 --> 00:05:35,904 I love him! 175 00:05:36,446 --> 00:05:37,072 Timmy. 176 00:05:37,114 --> 00:05:38,407 Well, I sure have met 177 00:05:38,532 --> 00:05:40,218 a lot of interesting people here in South Park. 178 00:05:40,242 --> 00:05:42,077 How about that Eric Cartman kid, huh? 179 00:05:42,202 --> 00:05:45,080 "God damn it. No, kitty, that's my pot pie! 180 00:05:45,205 --> 00:05:46,415 God damn it! God damn it!" 181 00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:48,333 [laughter] 182 00:05:48,458 --> 00:05:50,002 Heh, heh. - I don't sound like that. 183 00:05:50,127 --> 00:05:52,838 And how about that school counselor? 184 00:05:52,963 --> 00:05:55,841 "Drugs are bad. Drugs are bad, okay? 185 00:05:55,966 --> 00:05:58,176 Drugs are bad, okay? Okay?" 186 00:05:58,302 --> 00:05:59,720 Wow, what a great audience. 187 00:05:59,845 --> 00:06:01,221 "Mr. Hat, be quiet, Mr. Hat. 188 00:06:01,346 --> 00:06:03,181 "Mr.--hello, there, children, Mr. Hat. 189 00:06:03,307 --> 00:06:04,641 "Hello, Mr. Hat. 190 00:06:04,766 --> 00:06:06,310 "I'm making salisbury steak for lunch-- 191 00:06:06,435 --> 00:06:08,687 salisbury steak for lunch." 192 00:06:08,812 --> 00:06:10,689 "God damn it! God damn it!" 193 00:06:10,814 --> 00:06:12,024 [laughter and applause] 194 00:06:12,149 --> 00:06:13,984 And of course, my very favorite... 195 00:06:14,109 --> 00:06:15,736 "Timmy! Timmy! 196 00:06:15,861 --> 00:06:17,904 I'm living a lie. I'm living a lie, Timmy!" 197 00:06:18,030 --> 00:06:19,031 [laughter] 198 00:06:19,156 --> 00:06:20,240 [groans] 199 00:06:20,365 --> 00:06:22,117 "Timmy, I'm living a lie. 200 00:06:22,242 --> 00:06:23,910 Ah, Timmy!" 201 00:06:24,036 --> 00:06:26,055 Sometimes it's like, "please, Timmy, learn a new word." 202 00:06:26,079 --> 00:06:27,372 "Timmy! Timmy!" 203 00:06:27,497 --> 00:06:28,999 [yells] 204 00:06:31,501 --> 00:06:33,181 Wow, it looks like when it comes to comedy, 205 00:06:33,211 --> 00:06:34,838 I really take the c-c... 206 00:06:34,963 --> 00:06:36,089 I really take the ca... 207 00:06:36,214 --> 00:06:37,716 I really take the ca-cake. 208 00:06:37,841 --> 00:06:38,717 [laughter and applause] 209 00:06:38,842 --> 00:06:41,219 All: Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy! 210 00:06:42,346 --> 00:06:44,056 Timmy! 211 00:06:46,516 --> 00:06:48,143 Well, this is it. 212 00:06:48,268 --> 00:06:49,895 We've simply gotten too many complaints 213 00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,855 from concerned parents about him. 214 00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:53,249 I'm afraid we don't have a choice. 215 00:06:53,273 --> 00:06:54,273 Hiya, fellas! 216 00:06:54,358 --> 00:06:55,901 How are you today, scout? 217 00:06:56,026 --> 00:06:58,070 I'm super. Thanks for asking. 218 00:06:58,195 --> 00:06:59,821 The troops are off having bake sales, 219 00:06:59,946 --> 00:07:01,799 and I'm pleased to report that we have already raised 220 00:07:01,823 --> 00:07:03,325 over $600 for the event. 221 00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:04,242 Yippee! 222 00:07:04,368 --> 00:07:06,244 Uh, Big Gay Al, 223 00:07:06,370 --> 00:07:09,915 It has recently come to our attention that you are... gay. 224 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,333 Well, stop the presses. 225 00:07:11,458 --> 00:07:13,311 You figure that out all by yourself, silly buns? 226 00:07:13,335 --> 00:07:15,087 Yes, well, unfortunately for you, 227 00:07:15,212 --> 00:07:18,090 the scouts have a policy that openly gay men 228 00:07:18,215 --> 00:07:19,716 cannot belong. 229 00:07:19,841 --> 00:07:21,760 We are left with no options, Mr. Al. 230 00:07:21,885 --> 00:07:24,930 I'm afraid you are hereby... out of scouts. 231 00:07:25,055 --> 00:07:27,766 Out of scouts? 232 00:07:27,891 --> 00:07:29,601 We're sorry, Mr. Gay Al. 233 00:07:29,726 --> 00:07:31,770 But I've been in scouts since I was nine. 234 00:07:31,895 --> 00:07:33,772 It's a huge part of my life. 235 00:07:33,897 --> 00:07:36,650 You must understand that scouts is a private club, 236 00:07:36,775 --> 00:07:38,235 a club that follows certain beliefs, 237 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:41,113 and one of those beliefs is that homosexuality is immoral. 238 00:07:41,238 --> 00:07:43,740 I see. 239 00:07:43,865 --> 00:07:45,784 It's nothing against you personally. 240 00:07:45,909 --> 00:07:47,261 What if I promise not to be gay anymore? 241 00:07:47,285 --> 00:07:48,870 Pinkie swear! 242 00:07:48,995 --> 00:07:50,789 We think it's best you just move on. 243 00:07:50,914 --> 00:07:52,332 Right. Move on. 244 00:07:57,171 --> 00:07:58,881 Oh, hey, Timmy. 245 00:07:59,006 --> 00:08:00,549 I'm glad you called, very much. 246 00:08:00,674 --> 00:08:02,735 I've been detecting some animosity towards me lately, 247 00:08:02,759 --> 00:08:04,112 and I was hoping we could bury the hatchet. 248 00:08:04,136 --> 00:08:05,136 [friendly] Timmy. 249 00:08:05,179 --> 00:08:06,638 What's that? 250 00:08:06,763 --> 00:08:08,348 A-libba-la, Timmy. 251 00:08:08,473 --> 00:08:09,725 A present? You got me a present? 252 00:08:09,850 --> 00:08:11,059 Timmy! 253 00:08:11,185 --> 00:08:12,728 Gee, you didn't have to do that. 254 00:08:12,853 --> 00:08:14,956 I mean, I understand why you'd be jealous of my talents. 255 00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:16,440 If you work at it, maybe you could be 256 00:08:16,565 --> 00:08:17,983 as handi-capable as I am, huh? 257 00:08:18,108 --> 00:08:19,776 Wow, a parka. 258 00:08:19,902 --> 00:08:21,361 You didn't have to do that, Tim-Tim. 259 00:08:21,486 --> 00:08:22,571 Tim, Timmy. 260 00:08:22,696 --> 00:08:23,947 Oh, sure. I'll see if it fits. 261 00:08:25,741 --> 00:08:28,327 This is very warm. Thanks a lot, Tim-Tim. 262 00:08:28,452 --> 00:08:29,077 Well, I'll see you around. 263 00:08:29,203 --> 00:08:30,746 Timmy! 264 00:08:33,999 --> 00:08:35,500 [horn honks] 265 00:08:35,626 --> 00:08:36,668 [bird screeches] 266 00:08:36,793 --> 00:08:38,021 There he is. Kill him! Kill him! 267 00:08:38,045 --> 00:08:39,588 Oh, wait. That's not him. 268 00:08:39,713 --> 00:08:40,714 [cows mooing] 269 00:08:40,839 --> 00:08:42,925 [loud crash] 270 00:08:43,050 --> 00:08:45,385 Thanks again, Tim-Tim! 271 00:08:45,510 --> 00:08:46,595 [angrily] Tim, Timmy! 272 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,598 [soft piano music] 273 00:08:49,723 --> 00:08:57,439 ♪ 274 00:09:10,035 --> 00:09:11,035 [sighs] 275 00:09:18,502 --> 00:09:21,338 [sighs] Bye, scouts. 276 00:09:21,463 --> 00:09:23,674 Okay, okay, Mark. Stop playing now. 277 00:09:23,799 --> 00:09:25,008 Hey, don't yell at me. 278 00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:26,885 You asked me to come over and play sad songs 279 00:09:27,010 --> 00:09:28,613 for you to pack to, and then you yell at me. 280 00:09:28,637 --> 00:09:30,639 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 281 00:09:30,764 --> 00:09:32,724 But now I've packed everything away, so just-- 282 00:09:32,849 --> 00:09:34,685 well, play something uplifting like-- 283 00:09:34,810 --> 00:09:36,079 "I'm gonna put all this behind me 284 00:09:36,103 --> 00:09:38,522 and make it okay" music. 285 00:09:38,647 --> 00:09:40,440 ♪ Oh, I don't want her, you can have her ♪ 286 00:09:40,565 --> 00:09:41,858 ♪ She's too fat for me ♪ 287 00:09:41,984 --> 00:09:43,860 Oh, Jesus, Mark. 288 00:09:47,739 --> 00:09:50,492 Parents, this is the new scout leader, Mr. Grazier. 289 00:09:50,617 --> 00:09:52,703 He will be taking over for the homosexual. 290 00:09:52,828 --> 00:09:53,453 Nice to meet you. 291 00:09:53,704 --> 00:09:55,914 Marsh, right? We actually kind of know each other. 292 00:09:56,039 --> 00:09:57,183 Your wife and mine are friends. 293 00:09:57,207 --> 00:09:59,042 Your wife, huh? 294 00:09:59,167 --> 00:10:00,252 Carol is is the head 295 00:10:00,294 --> 00:10:01,654 of a girls' Mountain Scouts troop. 296 00:10:01,712 --> 00:10:03,922 Well, I guess we're off to the bar until 9:00, then. 297 00:10:04,047 --> 00:10:05,716 Gonna go pound some brews, huh? 298 00:10:05,841 --> 00:10:08,010 And so I says to him, "hey, I may be handicapped, 299 00:10:08,135 --> 00:10:09,886 but I'm not deaf." 300 00:10:10,012 --> 00:10:11,096 [laughter] 301 00:10:11,221 --> 00:10:12,723 Wow, what a terrific audience. 302 00:10:12,848 --> 00:10:14,659 Well, for my next joke, I'm gonna need a volunteer 303 00:10:14,683 --> 00:10:16,143 from the audience, very much. 304 00:10:16,268 --> 00:10:17,728 How about you, Timmy? - Timmy. 305 00:10:17,853 --> 00:10:18,997 Sure, come on up here, Tim-Tim. 306 00:10:19,021 --> 00:10:20,480 [laughter] 307 00:10:20,605 --> 00:10:21,857 Timmy, Ladies and Gentlemen. 308 00:10:21,982 --> 00:10:23,608 Let's all give him a hand, very much. 309 00:10:23,734 --> 00:10:25,461 Come to think of it, give him a pair of legs, too. 310 00:10:25,485 --> 00:10:26,528 [laughter] 311 00:10:26,653 --> 00:10:29,823 Here, Timmy. Put on this silly hat. 312 00:10:29,948 --> 00:10:31,742 Just for a second, Timmy. 313 00:10:31,867 --> 00:10:33,910 Don't be a jerk, Timmy. 314 00:10:34,036 --> 00:10:34,786 Hey, don't push me! 315 00:10:34,911 --> 00:10:35,996 Timmy! 316 00:10:36,121 --> 00:10:37,497 Cripple fight! 317 00:10:37,622 --> 00:10:38,915 That is enough, scouts! 318 00:10:39,041 --> 00:10:40,083 Take your seats! 319 00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:41,501 Aww! 320 00:10:41,626 --> 00:10:42,794 All right, scouts. 321 00:10:42,919 --> 00:10:45,797 I am your new scout master, Mr. Grazier. 322 00:10:45,922 --> 00:10:47,942 Together, we are going to become the best, the sleekest, 323 00:10:47,966 --> 00:10:50,552 the most well-polished scout troop in all of Colorado. 324 00:10:50,677 --> 00:10:52,387 Isn't that right? 325 00:10:52,512 --> 00:10:53,552 When I ask you a question, 326 00:10:53,597 --> 00:10:55,037 you will answer, "yes, scout master." 327 00:10:55,140 --> 00:10:55,932 Do I make myself clear? 328 00:10:56,058 --> 00:10:57,476 All: Yes, scout master. 329 00:10:57,601 --> 00:10:58,852 Good. 330 00:10:58,977 --> 00:11:01,688 Now, the first activity for this evening will be... 331 00:11:01,813 --> 00:11:03,607 Naked pictures. 332 00:11:03,732 --> 00:11:05,984 I'm going to take some pictures of each of you naked 333 00:11:06,109 --> 00:11:07,861 in case we need them for later. 334 00:11:07,986 --> 00:11:09,029 All: Aww. 335 00:11:09,154 --> 00:11:10,822 Oh, what is this? 336 00:11:10,947 --> 00:11:12,675 If there's one thing I hate, it's a whiny platoon. 337 00:11:12,699 --> 00:11:14,034 "We don't want to do push-ups! 338 00:11:14,159 --> 00:11:15,827 "We don't want to get up early! 339 00:11:15,952 --> 00:11:18,038 We don't want to have you take naked pictures of us!" 340 00:11:18,163 --> 00:11:19,539 Man, this guy sucks. 341 00:11:19,664 --> 00:11:21,833 Now, fall in and strip down, scouts! 342 00:11:24,044 --> 00:11:25,379 All right, scouts. 343 00:11:25,504 --> 00:11:26,046 We're gonna end this meeting 344 00:11:26,171 --> 00:11:27,923 With a little puppet show. 345 00:11:28,048 --> 00:11:29,674 Here's a little scout. 346 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,886 He's always prepared. He's always ready. 347 00:11:33,011 --> 00:11:35,514 Now, here's the little scout telling his parents 348 00:11:35,639 --> 00:11:37,933 that Mr. Grazier took naked pictures of him. 349 00:11:38,058 --> 00:11:39,058 Look what happens. 350 00:11:39,142 --> 00:11:42,062 Oh, no! Oh, oh! 351 00:11:42,187 --> 00:11:43,397 Ohh! 352 00:11:43,522 --> 00:11:45,524 Do I make myself clear, scouts? 353 00:11:45,649 --> 00:11:46,900 All: Yes, scout master! 354 00:11:47,025 --> 00:11:48,735 Oh, hello, parents. 355 00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:50,797 All right, that's all the time we have for tonight, scouts. 356 00:11:50,821 --> 00:11:52,173 We sure had a great time, didn't we? 357 00:11:52,197 --> 00:11:54,408 All: Yes, sir, scout master! 358 00:11:54,533 --> 00:11:56,535 Wow, you sure whipped those kids into shape. 359 00:11:56,660 --> 00:11:58,578 Yeah, now they're acting like men. 360 00:11:58,703 --> 00:12:00,414 Well, you know what I say about kids: 361 00:12:00,539 --> 00:12:01,998 they're all pink on the inside. 362 00:12:02,124 --> 00:12:03,458 You bet. - I heard that. 363 00:12:03,583 --> 00:12:05,168 See you, Mr. Grazier. 364 00:12:12,050 --> 00:12:13,385 [doorbell rings] 365 00:12:13,510 --> 00:12:14,970 Go away. I'm dead. 366 00:12:17,222 --> 00:12:18,598 Oh, well, here he is. 367 00:12:18,723 --> 00:12:19,599 Big Gay Al, what are you doing? 368 00:12:19,724 --> 00:12:21,393 Yeah, get your big gay ass off the couch 369 00:12:21,518 --> 00:12:22,787 and come be our scout master again! 370 00:12:22,811 --> 00:12:24,062 I can't, kids. 371 00:12:24,187 --> 00:12:25,772 I've been kicked out of scouts. 372 00:12:25,897 --> 00:12:27,524 Kicked out? Oh, no. 373 00:12:27,649 --> 00:12:29,794 But you have to come back. We hate our new scout leader. 374 00:12:29,818 --> 00:12:31,069 Really? Why? 375 00:12:31,194 --> 00:12:33,113 We can't tell you. 376 00:12:33,238 --> 00:12:34,906 Why not? 377 00:12:35,031 --> 00:12:38,326 Oh, no, no! Oh, no, no! Oh, no, no! 378 00:12:40,036 --> 00:12:41,371 Please, Big Gay Al, We don't want 379 00:12:41,496 --> 00:12:42,723 to go on a camp trip with this guy next week. 380 00:12:42,747 --> 00:12:44,833 Boys, there's nothing I can do. 381 00:12:44,958 --> 00:12:46,835 The scouts don't allow homosexuals. 382 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,378 Well, then that settles it. 383 00:12:48,503 --> 00:12:49,863 Fellas, what we're gonna have to do 384 00:12:49,921 --> 00:12:53,425 is try to ch-change the scouts' rules, very much. 385 00:12:53,550 --> 00:12:55,469 What do we want? - All: Gays in scouts! 386 00:12:55,594 --> 00:12:57,345 When do we want it? - Timmy! 387 00:12:57,471 --> 00:12:58,991 What do we want? - All: Gays in scouts! 388 00:12:59,097 --> 00:13:00,432 When do we want it? - Timmy! 389 00:13:00,557 --> 00:13:02,684 Oh, no. 390 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,438 What do we want? - All: Gays in scouts! 391 00:13:07,563 --> 00:13:08,940 When do we want it? - Timmy! 392 00:13:09,065 --> 00:13:10,250 Alright, this looks like the perfect place 393 00:13:10,274 --> 00:13:11,442 to get some signatures. 394 00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:13,027 Puppies. Puppies for sale. 395 00:13:13,152 --> 00:13:14,570 Beat it, toots. 396 00:13:14,695 --> 00:13:15,571 We got discrimination work to do. 397 00:13:15,696 --> 00:13:16,864 Alright, let's set up. 398 00:13:16,989 --> 00:13:18,741 Hi, we're here to collect signatures 399 00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:21,035 in support to force the scouts to accept gays. 400 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,995 Uh, hello? Gays in scouts? 401 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:24,120 God damn it. 402 00:13:24,205 --> 00:13:25,223 Hey! Why don't we have Jimmy 403 00:13:25,247 --> 00:13:26,540 do some stand-up comedy? 404 00:13:26,666 --> 00:13:28,000 Like at our bake sale, very much? 405 00:13:28,125 --> 00:13:29,168 That's a great idea. 406 00:13:29,293 --> 00:13:30,795 Attention, Ladies and Gentlemen-- 407 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,922 now for your entertainment, stand-up comic Jimmy! 408 00:13:33,047 --> 00:13:35,091 Wow, what a great audience. 409 00:13:35,216 --> 00:13:37,593 For my first joke, I'm gonna need a volunteer. 410 00:13:37,718 --> 00:13:38,886 Come on up here, Tim-Tim. 411 00:13:41,597 --> 00:13:43,724 Timmy, when I tell you to do something, you do it. 412 00:13:43,849 --> 00:13:45,017 Timmy! 413 00:13:45,142 --> 00:13:46,502 Timmy, don't make me kick your ass. 414 00:13:46,602 --> 00:13:48,145 Timmy! - Put on your hat! 415 00:13:48,270 --> 00:13:50,523 Timmy! - P-put it on! 416 00:13:50,648 --> 00:13:52,233 Dude, this looks like it could get ugly. 417 00:13:54,819 --> 00:13:56,988 Timmy. Timmy. 418 00:13:57,113 --> 00:14:00,074 Not this year. 419 00:14:01,951 --> 00:14:03,744 Timmy, Timmy. 420 00:14:05,121 --> 00:14:07,081 Cripple fight! 421 00:14:08,666 --> 00:14:11,293 Come on. Come on! 422 00:14:14,088 --> 00:14:15,089 Timmy. 423 00:14:15,214 --> 00:14:18,092 [organ playing] 424 00:14:18,217 --> 00:14:24,473 ♪ 425 00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:27,685 Cripple fight! 426 00:14:27,810 --> 00:14:28,810 [all talking excitedly] 427 00:14:28,853 --> 00:14:30,730 Attention, shoppers-- 428 00:14:30,855 --> 00:14:33,149 Outside today, we have cripple fight. 429 00:14:33,274 --> 00:14:34,108 Cripple fight outside. 430 00:14:34,233 --> 00:14:35,818 [all cheering] 431 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:38,612 [both grunting] 432 00:14:48,164 --> 00:14:50,082 Jesus Christ, dude. 433 00:14:50,207 --> 00:14:51,834 Oh my God! 434 00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,145 Just let 'em have it out, Susan. 435 00:14:53,169 --> 00:14:54,329 They'll run out of steam soon. 436 00:14:57,673 --> 00:14:59,050 Hel-lo, Timmy. 437 00:14:59,175 --> 00:15:00,634 Hel-lo, Timmy! 438 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,844 Timmy! - No! 439 00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,971 [grunts] [groans] 440 00:15:04,096 --> 00:15:06,932 [both grunting] 441 00:15:17,735 --> 00:15:19,695 Timmy? 442 00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:21,572 Timmy... 443 00:15:21,697 --> 00:15:24,784 I told you, put on the hat! 444 00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:34,168 You dirty motherfucker. 445 00:15:38,756 --> 00:15:40,591 What's going on? 446 00:15:40,716 --> 00:15:42,176 Some kind of gay pride rally. 447 00:15:42,301 --> 00:15:45,179 [both grunting] 448 00:16:00,569 --> 00:16:01,695 [crunch] 449 00:16:01,821 --> 00:16:03,405 [screaming] 450 00:16:18,754 --> 00:16:21,465 [both yelling] 451 00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,972 [groaning] 452 00:16:28,097 --> 00:16:29,097 Timmy! 453 00:16:37,565 --> 00:16:39,859 Tom, I'm standing out front of Henry's Supermarket, 454 00:16:39,984 --> 00:16:42,153 where five brave little boys are holding a rally 455 00:16:42,278 --> 00:16:44,530 to support gays in scouting. 456 00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:46,657 The rally is drawing so much attention 457 00:16:46,782 --> 00:16:48,135 that people from all over the country 458 00:16:48,159 --> 00:16:49,660 are taking media notice. 459 00:16:49,785 --> 00:16:51,662 Those boys have shown me the light. 460 00:16:51,787 --> 00:16:53,831 I never knew the Mountain Scouts was a hate group. 461 00:16:53,956 --> 00:16:56,041 This is a wake-up call to America. 462 00:16:56,167 --> 00:16:58,627 We cannot turn our backs on gays anymore. 463 00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:00,713 Oh, God, they're actually pulling it off. 464 00:17:00,838 --> 00:17:02,756 The rally has also caught the attention 465 00:17:02,882 --> 00:17:05,509 of old scouts members like Steven Spielberg, 466 00:17:05,634 --> 00:17:08,470 director of such films as Always and 1941. 467 00:17:08,596 --> 00:17:10,848 I salute those boys and their courage. 468 00:17:10,973 --> 00:17:13,976 I am hereby cutting all my funding to the scouts. 469 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,644 The rally has also caught the attention 470 00:17:15,769 --> 00:17:17,980 of high-power lawyer Gloria Allred. 471 00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:20,149 It is a disgrace that these homophobes 472 00:17:20,274 --> 00:17:22,067 are allowed to discriminate! 473 00:17:22,193 --> 00:17:24,612 I am taking this case on personally! 474 00:17:24,737 --> 00:17:26,030 With this kind of support, Tom, 475 00:17:26,155 --> 00:17:28,115 these boys are sure to have a victory for gays. 476 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:29,116 Back to you. 477 00:17:29,241 --> 00:17:30,784 Thanks, Chris. 478 00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:32,870 In other news, the FBI has finally caught 479 00:17:32,995 --> 00:17:35,664 the child molester known as Mr. Slippy Fist. 480 00:17:35,789 --> 00:17:37,541 The sick child molester was found 481 00:17:37,666 --> 00:17:40,419 with disturbing, graphic photos of young boys naked, 482 00:17:40,544 --> 00:17:41,712 which we will show you now. 483 00:17:41,837 --> 00:17:44,089 [TV] "Here's one. And here's another. 484 00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:45,841 Eddie? - Oh, my God. 485 00:17:45,966 --> 00:17:48,135 [TV] "Here, look at this one. Sick son of a bitch. 486 00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:49,260 There's one right here." 487 00:17:49,303 --> 00:17:51,555 [both yelling] 488 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:52,723 Oh, yeah! 489 00:17:52,848 --> 00:17:55,017 [groans] 490 00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:57,770 [both grunting] 491 00:18:00,022 --> 00:18:01,899 [choking] 492 00:18:02,024 --> 00:18:03,024 Timmy! 493 00:18:15,704 --> 00:18:17,331 All right, boys. Break it up. 494 00:18:22,253 --> 00:18:24,463 All rise. 495 00:18:24,588 --> 00:18:28,134 In the case of Big Gay Al vs. Mountain Scouts of America, 496 00:18:28,259 --> 00:18:30,803 due to the overwhelming show of support, 497 00:18:30,928 --> 00:18:34,098 it is the ruling of this court that the scouts must allow 498 00:18:34,223 --> 00:18:36,892 Big Gay Al and all gays into their club. 499 00:18:37,018 --> 00:18:39,061 Alright! [people cheering] 500 00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:41,856 Well, we've all learned an important lesson, 501 00:18:41,981 --> 00:18:43,357 That just because somebody's gay 502 00:18:43,482 --> 00:18:45,192 doesn't mean they're gonna molest children. 503 00:18:45,317 --> 00:18:46,437 Straight people do that, too. 504 00:18:46,485 --> 00:18:48,112 [people cheering] 505 00:18:48,237 --> 00:18:50,865 And furthermore, the scout elders 506 00:18:50,990 --> 00:18:52,992 will be put into stocks for three days 507 00:18:53,117 --> 00:18:55,036 so they can see how it feels to be outcasts. 508 00:18:55,161 --> 00:18:56,495 [people cheering] 509 00:18:56,620 --> 00:18:58,122 We did it! We did it! 510 00:18:58,247 --> 00:19:01,167 I did it! I did it! Ha-ha! 511 00:19:01,292 --> 00:19:03,044 [reporters speaking simultaneously] 512 00:19:03,169 --> 00:19:05,838 Today is a great day for democracy. 513 00:19:05,963 --> 00:19:07,506 The scouts have been exposed 514 00:19:07,631 --> 00:19:09,967 for the vile gay bashers they are! 515 00:19:10,092 --> 00:19:12,053 And we owe it all to me, 516 00:19:12,178 --> 00:19:14,430 and these six brave little boys. 517 00:19:14,555 --> 00:19:15,556 [bird screeches] 518 00:19:15,681 --> 00:19:18,267 Five brave little boys. 519 00:19:18,392 --> 00:19:20,978 And now, here to take his official oath 520 00:19:21,103 --> 00:19:24,106 back into scouts, is Big Gay Al. 521 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,859 Thank you all very much. 522 00:19:26,984 --> 00:19:28,569 But I don't want this. 523 00:19:28,694 --> 00:19:30,404 What'd he say? - Huh? 524 00:19:30,529 --> 00:19:33,074 Look, I appreciate what you kids did. 525 00:19:33,199 --> 00:19:34,200 I really do. 526 00:19:34,325 --> 00:19:35,385 But this isn't what I wanted. 527 00:19:35,409 --> 00:19:37,244 I'm proud to be gay. 528 00:19:37,369 --> 00:19:38,609 And I'm proud to be in a country 529 00:19:38,704 --> 00:19:40,414 where I'm free to express myself. 530 00:19:40,539 --> 00:19:42,458 But freedom is a two-way street. 531 00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:44,835 If I'm free to express myself, 532 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,380 then the scouts have to be free to express themselves, too. 533 00:19:48,506 --> 00:19:50,132 I know these men. 534 00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:52,885 They are good men. They are kind men. 535 00:19:53,010 --> 00:19:55,179 They do what they think is best for kids. 536 00:19:55,304 --> 00:19:57,431 No matter how wrong we think they might be, 537 00:19:57,556 --> 00:20:00,559 it isn't right for us to force them to think our way. 538 00:20:00,684 --> 00:20:03,562 It's up to us to persuade and help them see the light, 539 00:20:03,687 --> 00:20:05,439 not extort them to. 540 00:20:05,564 --> 00:20:07,900 Please, don't cut the scouts' funding. 541 00:20:08,025 --> 00:20:10,003 The scouts help and have always helped a lot of kids. 542 00:20:10,027 --> 00:20:11,320 That's why I love them. 543 00:20:11,445 --> 00:20:14,156 I will continue to persuade them to change their minds, 544 00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:16,242 but this is the wrong way to do it. 545 00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:19,954 So I am hereby dropping my case 546 00:20:20,079 --> 00:20:21,539 and allowing the scouts their right 547 00:20:21,664 --> 00:20:24,166 to not allow gays into their private club. 548 00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:25,417 Uh... 549 00:20:25,543 --> 00:20:26,961 Hooray! - Hooray! 550 00:20:27,086 --> 00:20:29,130 So wait. Did we do good? 551 00:20:29,255 --> 00:20:30,631 Yeah, I think so. 552 00:20:30,756 --> 00:20:32,174 Yeah, we kick ass. 553 00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:34,301 Come on, kids. Let's go get some ice cream. 554 00:20:34,426 --> 00:20:37,263 You can't do this! You homophobe! 555 00:20:37,388 --> 00:20:38,889 Well, Timmy, I guess we learned 556 00:20:39,014 --> 00:20:40,374 an important lesson too, very much. 557 00:20:40,432 --> 00:20:41,851 There is room for more than one 558 00:20:41,976 --> 00:20:43,227 handi-capable person in scouts. 559 00:20:43,352 --> 00:20:44,854 Timmy. 560 00:20:44,979 --> 00:20:45,855 I'm glad we're best friends now. 561 00:20:45,980 --> 00:20:48,691 See you at scouts. - Timmy. 562 00:20:52,361 --> 00:20:54,947 [to the tune of Old Macdonald] ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪ 563 00:20:55,072 --> 00:20:56,949 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪ 564 00:20:57,074 --> 00:20:59,493 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪ 565 00:20:59,618 --> 00:21:01,058 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪ 566 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:01,996 Ahh! 567 00:21:02,121 --> 00:21:03,164 Dude, Timmy, come on. 568 00:21:03,289 --> 00:21:04,489 We're gonna be late for scouts. 569 00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:09,378 Alright, boys. I am your new scout leader. 570 00:21:09,503 --> 00:21:11,505 Everything is going to be just fine. 571 00:21:11,630 --> 00:21:13,340 No naked pictures. 572 00:21:13,465 --> 00:21:14,341 Uh, Timmy? 573 00:21:14,466 --> 00:21:16,468 Yes, Timmy? 574 00:21:16,594 --> 00:21:17,845 Oh, dear. 575 00:21:17,970 --> 00:21:19,180 Jimmy? - Yes? 576 00:21:19,305 --> 00:21:20,514 You know our policy. 577 00:21:20,639 --> 00:21:22,892 I'm afraid you're out of scouts. 578 00:21:23,017 --> 00:21:24,017 Out of scouts? 579 00:21:26,312 --> 00:21:27,354 Timmy. 580 00:21:27,479 --> 00:21:28,939 What? 581 00:21:29,064 --> 00:21:30,083 Hey, wait a minute. This is crazy. 582 00:21:30,107 --> 00:21:31,192 You can't do this. 583 00:21:31,317 --> 00:21:32,860 Wow, I never knew Jimmy was gay. 584 00:21:32,985 --> 00:21:33,861 Me, neither. 585 00:21:33,986 --> 00:21:35,446 No! No! 586 00:21:35,571 --> 00:21:36,571 Timmy!